Local buttface Cole Ott still has the video camera which had previously been used to film the No Fun Zone. Said Parker, the No Fun Zone’s totally-available host:

Crap.

News broke today that a purely objective, scientific, double-blind study proved conclusively that Cole is a Jerk.

Said Dr. White of the Hanover Institute of We Know a Jerk When We See One:

It’s Conclusive. Big-time jerkface.

This report is especially groundbreaking in the wake of a statement made by the National Global Institute of Awesome (And Single) Dudes, naming active anti-jerk advocate Parker the Chief Awesome Officer for the Fall Quarter. Parker plans to organize a working group of leaders from diverse fields to “understand the fundamental causes for jerk. Then kick their butts.”

“The Institute is advising that all people, especially hot chix, keep away from Cole,” said Parker, in an emergency press release this morning. He further advised that all co-hosts of awesome internet TV shows “not let him mess up the intro again.”

Local totes hawt student Jane Doe had this to say:

I always suspected that Cole might be a Jerk… but now that it’s been proven I’ll be sure to never date him ever. Plus Parker is much hotter anyway. Plus he’s better dressed. Also he smells good and has edgy hair.